I was sitting watching a movie today. and during the middle of the whole thing, i came to the realization that i can't see fuzzy anymore. its for my own self preservation. his as well. its going to be one of the hardest decisions i have ever made, however its the right one. i think he already wants that. wants to be free of the burden of our secret maybe. i can feel it. he was here on the 28th of december. if i dont hear from him before january 28, i will know. i think alot of our interaction is one sided instigated by me. i really only want to be his freind. we've been freinds for a long time. 4 years or more. then we messed it up! i dont think he can be my freind. its too hard for both of us. he has never hurt me, however if he has decided to end our relationship totally, it will hurt me that he hasn 't bothered to tell me. i have earned more than that from him. in a way i am a little angry. he has chosen our path from the beginning, and as i said, ending our freindship totally is a cop out to me, however i get a vibe from him that is his choice. i could be wrong. lets wait and see. but i do know that if i go a month and no word from him other than work, my friend will have deserted me when i was most alone. this whole move thing is very trying on my nerves. i want chris. i want him to love me. i want him to want to be with me. can't have it apparently. not sure where he and i will go. that is another chapter i guess for another day.